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Silencing the Inner Critic: Alcohol, Drugs, Porn, and Problematic Sex

Posted on October 10, 2018
in Addiction, Alcohol, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction
by Jeremy Mast

silencing your inner criticChances are if you’re reading this blog post, you know exactly what an “inner critic” is. In fact, I’m willing to bet you’re intimately familiar with what that inner critic sounds like.

 

You also know all too well what if feels like to be on the receiving end of his or her withering, ruthless self-criticisms and attacks.

 

I certainly do. As I’ve gotten better over the years at listening to how I talk to myself, I’ve noticed that I am my own worst critic. It’s a cliche for a reason as being harder on oneself than anyone else is a very common experience.

 

Let’s look at this inner critic and what it has to do with problematic drug use or sexual behaviors.

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What to Do When You Don’t Know

Posted on October 5, 2018
in Authenticity, Counseling, Healing
by Jeremy Mast

what to do when you don't know“I don’t know.” I’ve had no fewer than three clients today say this to me. It’s such a privilege to be with them in this sacred space at the edge of their awareness and understanding.

 

“Hold on,” you say. “‘I don’t know’? What does that mean? Don’t know what?”

 

That’s a great question, because chances are, you’ve experienced a moment in your life when you’ve tried to make changes and haven’t quite known how to get there. There are a few different ways to think about what to do when you don’t know, especially when it comes to counseling. Let’s dive in.

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Three Things Couples Can Do Immediately After an Affair to Start Healing

Posted on September 28, 2018
in Couples, Healing, Infidelity, Marriage, Partners of Addicts, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction
by Jeremy Mast

Things Couples Can Do Immediately After an AffairMaybe you’ve just found out about your partner’s betrayal, and your world has been turned upside down. Your heart has been shattered, and you wonder how you can ever trust him again.

 

Or maybe your partner has just discovered your affair, or you’ve just told her. You’re ashamed and scared of losing her. You’ll do anything to save the relationship. You’ve tried apologizing but it only seems to make things worse.

 

After the discovery of an affair, whether it’s a one-time fling or a long string of intimate betrayals over many years, the relationship can only begin to heal once the storm of the initial crisis is past. So what steps can you take to calm the storm and start healing?

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I Asked Myself This Question When I Thought About Drinking

Posted on September 19, 2018
in Addiction, Alcohol, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction
by Jeremy Mast

I asked myself this question when I thought about drinkingI know it’s the weekend because that ‘s usually when I make my weekly trip to my local Trader Joe’s. Recently, I was thrilled to find pumpkin-flavored Kringles, which are a flaky, frosting-covered pastry that’s really close to the Dutch pastries I grew up with.

 

Ah, autumn. My 3 1/2-year-old son was pushing the cart and I threw one in amongst the peanut butter, pasta, bacon, vegetables, and other goodies.

 

Then I strolled over to the side of the store that had the wine, beer, beverages, and snacks. I added a few more items to the cart, double-checked my grocery list on my phone, and was ready to call it a day.

 

I walked over to the cashier with the shortest line and stood there, waiting. I sighed.

 

My eyes roamed for a moment as I allowed my mind to wander. That’s when I saw it.

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Changing the Language of Addiction: Fighting Stigma

Posted on September 7, 2018
in Addiction, Alcohol, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction
by Jeremy Mast

changing the language of addictionA client recently shared with me his experience of going to a faith-based recovery support group. He sincerely appreciated that he and the other attendees did not self-identify as addicts or alcoholics.

 

Instead, each person introduced themselves as a child of God.

 

How incredible, I thought. How healing it must have been, at a time when he is truly hurting, to identify with a label that affirms his value and worth instead of one that he experiences as shaming.

 

It was a stunning reminder of the power of language in our lives. There are few other arenas where the power of language is as strongly felt as it is with addiction. But why is this? Why is choosing our words carefully when we talk about drug and alcohol problems important? And how can we go about changing the language of addiction?

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No Alcohol Safe to Drink? The Real Results of That New Alcohol Study

Posted on August 29, 2018
in Addiction, Alcohol
by Jeremy Mast

Chances are that while you were listening to the radio, scanning the news, or scrolling through your newsfeed on social media, you came across a headline like this one: “No alcohol safe to drink, global study confirms.”

 

The study, originally published in the Lancet, looked at levels of alcohol consumption and its health effects in 195 countries between 1990 and 2016.

 

The headline is alarmist to me, and, if you’re like me, a bit confusing. For years, we’ve heard that moderate drinking can actually help prevent heart disease.

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Afraid to Quit Drinking? Here’s the Real Reason Why (Part 2)

Posted on August 6, 2018
in Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Healing, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction, Trauma
by Jeremy Mast

afraid to quit drinking (part 2)Afraid to quit drinking? You’re not alone. In part 1, I reviewed some very common fears about quitting drinking or about moderating your drinking. I suggested that there’s a deeper reason behind all of these common fears: Our fear of change.

 

See, there’s a voice in all of us that tells us that we can’t do something, that when we think about doing something new or different, gets nervous, anxious, or scared. This voice tells us the same “emotional truths” over and over again. It’s trying to protect us from re-experiencing hurts from our childhoods but it’s not helping us anymore as adults.

 

In fact, it’s keeping us stuck. That voice is known as the ego. But what’s up with the ego? And why is it so important to look at what the ego’s up to if we want to change our drinking?

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