Addiction Archives - Page 5 of 7 - Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT

Pros and Cons of Twelve-Step Programs

Posted on February 16, 2018

in Addiction, Healing, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

What are the pro and cons of twelve-step programs? In the early 20th century, Bill Wilson founded Alcoholics Anonymous in an attempt to address and ultimately cure his confounding and baffling condition. The approach and philosophy of AA are based on medical insights, ancient spiritual traditions, and consultation with a handful of psychologists and more than a few alcoholics.

Today, AA and other 12-step programs are easily the most widely known and available support for addiction. Although AA is the original, many splinter groups have formed based on the same 12-step philosophy, including Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Debtors Anonymous.

I’ve often referred clients to twelve-step groups if I think they’d be a good fit for such a group and if they’d likely find it helpful. But I’ve realized that AA and its variations aren’t for everyone. Here are some of my thoughts about the pros and cons of twelve-step programs to help you determine what’s right for you.

How to Know If You Have an Addiction

Posted on January 30, 2018

in Addiction, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

How can you know if you have an addiction? If you're reading this, maybe you're struggling with a particular habit that you're afraid is getting out of hand. Maybe you're wondering if you're addicted and how to tell if you're dealing with one. Whatever your habit...

4 Tips for Safe Drinking

Posted on December 10, 2017

in Addiction, Counseling

by Jeremy Mast

Happy holidays, everyone! Drinking around the holidays can be enjoyable, but if you’ve had some problems with alcohol in the past (like me), this time of year can be challenging. If you’re thinking about making some changes to how you drink or just want to drink more intentionally, here are four tips for safe drinking to keep mind. Well, okay, they’re not so much “tips” on their own as aspects of drinking to consider when planning to drink.

19 Tips for Moderate Drinking During the Holidays

Posted on December 3, 2017

in Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

The holidays are a season for laughter, merrymaking, time with family, and gatherings with friends—all of which are often accompanied by alcohol.

That’s why for many in recovery the holidays are a tough time. Not only does this time of year bring up a lot of emotional “stuff,” which alone can be triggering, booze is a frequent guest at holiday parties and social gatherings.

My Top Six Books for Partners of Sex and Porn Addicts

Posted on November 27, 2017

in Addiction, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

Last time, we took a tour of some of my recommended books for those struggling with porn and sex addiction. Today, we’ll consider some books for partners of sex and porn addicts. Fortunately, resources have become more and more available for partners in recent years; the mental health professionals treating sex addiction are recognizing the devastating effects of the addict’s betrayal upon his or her partner. Discovery of the addict’s behaviors is extraordinarily traumatic, so that partners too need supportive care.

My Top Six Books for Sex and Porn Addicts in Recovery

Posted on November 17, 2017

in Addiction, Infidelity, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

As the field of sexual addiction and pornography addiction grows, so too does its literature. It can be a little overwhelming to find trusted resources and books for sex and porn addicts and addiction that might be helpful in your recovery journey, especially if you’re just starting out.

That’s why I wanted to share some books that I use all the time with my clients. The books below are for those struggling with sexual behaviors that have gotten out of hand and are trying to change. If you want to pick these up, try your local bookstore or use the links below. (I’m not an Amazon affiliate and I’m not benefitting in any way by recommending these.) Next time I’ll share some resources for their partners.

How to Choose a Sex Addiction Therapist

Posted on February 23, 2017

in Addiction, Counseling, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

If you think you might be struggling with sex or pornography addiction, seeking out a therapist is a wonderful way to care for yourself. Partnering with a therapist means enlisting the help of an experienced guide to help you get to where you want to go. However, the sheer number of therapists in your area often makes the choice more than a little overwhelming. So how can you determine which therapist is the right one for you?

I often meet with individuals in during free consultations who are looking for the right fit. Choosing a therapist is a highly personal decision that should be made with a great deal of thought and consideration.

So how might you determine who is a good fit for you?

How Much to Tell & When, Part 4: What to Do When Your Partner Asks about Your Sex Addiction

Posted on February 18, 2017

in Addiction, Authenticity, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

This post is the fourth in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. Click here to read part 1, here for part 2, and here for part 3.

One of the most common questions I get from clients struggling with sex or porn addiction is how to respond to their partners when they’re hurting and asking for more details about their previous acting out. “What do I say when she comes at me like that?”

As we’ve seen, the answer isn’t so simple. In part 1, we discussed spontaneous disclosure and a little about how this traumatizes partners. In part 2, we saw how waiting to tell her about all acting out behaviors via formal disclosure can actually be healing to both partners in the long run. In part 3, though, we established that waiting until formal disclosure often sucks. Big time.

All of that was necessary to answer one of the most common questions in early recovery: How should you, a sex addict in recovery, respond to your partner when she asks for more information about your acting out?

The Guide to Empathy for Sex Addicts (Part II)

Posted on January 24, 2017

in Addiction, Couples, Infidelity, Marriage, Relationships, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

Empathy, if you recall from part I, is the ability and practice of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Most simply, empathy is an effort to take the other’s perspective and share his feelings.

We went a bit farther than that, though.

Empathy is not agreeing with the other person (most likely your partner). It’s not sympathizing with her. It’s not just listening like a bump on a log. It’s not sharing “that-time-when-something-similar-happened” to you. It’s not fixing her or making her feel better (although empathy can and will probably make her feel better and more connected to you).

Instead, empathy means that you’re attempting to know and understand the other person’s perspective from within her subjective world. Empathy constantly seeks for avenues into another’s universe, joining her mind, her heart as she feels safe enough to open it to you.

7 Ways to Love Your Partner When She’s Hurting After a Betrayal

Posted on January 17, 2017

in Addiction, Authenticity, Couples, Healing, Infidelity, Relationships, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

If you’re reading this, perhaps you’re going through a very difficult time in your relationship or marriage. You’ve betrayed your partner in some way, whether it was infidelity, sex addiction, or watching pornography.

In other words, you got caught cheating. Now you’re in the doghouse, and you don’t know what to do. You want to work on the relationship, but you’re not sure how.

You love your partner, but when she’s overwhelmed with her pain about what’s happened, you feel stuck. Maybe she’s raging at you. Maybe she’s flooded by anxiety. Maybe she’s sobbing uncontrollably.

How do you respond in a loving way that helps rebuild intimacy and restore trust in the relationship?