What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Come to Couples Counseling
Posted on
October 24, 2018
All couples face challenges and problems. Perhaps there are problems in your relationship that feel too big to overcome alone, so much so that you’re thinking about getting help. Or maybe you’ve already talked with your partner about meeting with a couples therapist.
Either you’re not optimistic that he’s going to want to go to marriage counseling or couples therapy before you’ve talked with him, or he’s already expressed reluctance to meet with a therapist with you.
What do you do?
“I don’t know.” I’ve had no fewer than three clients today say this to me. It’s such a privilege to be with them in this sacred space at the edge of their awareness and understanding.
Many people struggle with substance or alcohol abuse, and many are looking for help, but not all drinkers are the same. Not everyone who drinks has a problem. 
Getting to know and understanding ourselves, our stories, and our feelings is such an important part of personal growth. Learning to live with difficult feelings instead of self-medicating, numbing ourselves, or in some other way avoiding vulnerability is the stuff of life. Doing this hard work of being aware of and owning our “stuff” is key to living with meaning and fulfillment.
When I get a call from a couple needing help, the spouse or partner on the phone usually says that the relationship is in some kind of crisis. Couples can sometimes struggle for months, even years, before something happens that at last causes the relationship’s ground to give way.
About every month or so, I pick up a new business book from the local public library and dive in. I enjoy reading business books as I’ve found that it helps me with the business side of running a practice so that I can be my best for my clients. Recently, I picked up Your Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt, a book about how to set and achieve goals in your life.
It’s the middle of January, which is the most common month that people seek out counseling. Of course, many factors go into choosing a therapist—location, specialty, a perception that he or she can help with your concerns, fees and insurance, and so on.