By all appearances, Gary (who’s not real, by the way) is a successful businessman, a loving father and husband, even an elder at his church. He is respected in his social circles, esteemed in his business, and loved by his family.
Behind the facade, though, Gary leads a very different life. He watches porn, though far less than he used to as his interest in getting massages with happy endings at local parlors has taken off. He slips in visits with prostitutes at hotels in the area between meetings, skimming money from his business to hide it from his wife. He covers his tracks, making sure that his secret life stays a secret.
Gary comes to see me because afraid he may have an STD and he’s not sure what to do. More than that, he confides he’s getting tired of the effort required to maintain his double life. Gary is typical of the clients that I see that are struggling sexual behaviors that have gotten out of hand.
And, like many of my clients, he wonders how things got this far, why keeps doing what he does, and how he could live two such drastically different lives.
The answer? In a word, shame.