Sex Addiction Archives - Page 3 of 5 - Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT

How to Recognize and Deal with Your Feelings (Part 1)

Posted on April 21, 2018

in Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Healing, Relationships, Sex Addiction

how to recognize and deal with your feelings We’ve all been there. We have an experience that causes intense feelings to rise up in us, drowning out all others. We become momentarily awash in that painful experience, whether it’s anger, shame, anxiety, fear, or all of the above all at once. We feel so much so quickly, often without fully understanding what’s going on with us.

I had an experience like that recently. Without getting into the gritty details, I stepped in it with a family member, someone I love and care for deeply. I didn’t communicate clearly about some of my plans, and she was hurt. Of course, I didn’t mean to hurt her, but that’s beside the point. That’s what I was telling myself in between my flashes of anger, which is always a sure sign that I feel shame.

How Feelings Become Triggers for an Addicted Mind

Posted on March 17, 2018

in Addiction, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

If you or someone you know is struggling with some kind of addiction, chances are you've heard the term "trigger" before. What is a trigger? It's anything that activates one's desire to act on the addiction, whether that's using cocaine, watching pornography, or throwing the...

Pros and Cons of Twelve-Step Programs

Posted on February 16, 2018

in Addiction, Healing, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

pros and cons of twelve-step programs What are the pro and cons of twelve-step programs? In the early 20th century, Bill Wilson founded Alcoholics Anonymous in an attempt to address and ultimately cure his confounding and baffling condition. The approach and philosophy of AA are based on medical insights, ancient spiritual traditions, and consultation with a handful of psychologists and more than a few alcoholics.

Today, AA and other 12-step programs are easily the most widely known and available support for addiction. Although AA is the original, many splinter groups have formed based on the same 12-step philosophy, including Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Debtors Anonymous.

I’ve often referred clients to twelve-step groups if I think they’d be a good fit for such a group and if they’d likely find it helpful. But I’ve realized that AA and its variations aren’t for everyone. Here are some of my thoughts about the pros and cons of twelve-step programs to help you determine what’s right for you.

How to Know If You Have an Addiction

Posted on January 30, 2018

in Addiction, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

How can you know if you have an addiction? If you're reading this, maybe you're struggling with a particular habit that you're afraid is getting out of hand. Maybe you're wondering if you're addicted and how to tell if you're dealing with one. Whatever your habit...

My Top Six Books for Partners of Sex and Porn Addicts

Posted on November 27, 2017

in Addiction, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

Last time, we took a tour of some of my recommended books for those struggling with porn and sex addiction. Today, we’ll consider some books for partners of sex and porn addicts. Fortunately, resources have become more and more available for partners in recent years; the mental health professionals treating sex addiction are recognizing the devastating effects of the addict’s betrayal upon his or her partner. Discovery of the addict’s behaviors is extraordinarily traumatic, so that partners too need supportive care.

My Top Six Books for Sex and Porn Addicts in Recovery

Posted on November 17, 2017

in Addiction, Infidelity, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

As the field of sexual addiction and pornography addiction grows, so too does its literature. It can be a little overwhelming to find trusted resources and books for sex and porn addicts and addiction that might be helpful in your recovery journey, especially if you’re just starting out.

That’s why I wanted to share some books that I use all the time with my clients. The books below are for those struggling with sexual behaviors that have gotten out of hand and are trying to change. If you want to pick these up, try your local bookstore or use the links below. (I’m not an Amazon affiliate and I’m not benefitting in any way by recommending these.) Next time I’ll share some resources for their partners.

How to Choose a Sex Addiction Therapist

Posted on February 23, 2017

in Addiction, Counseling, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

If you think you might be struggling with sex or pornography addiction, seeking out a therapist is a wonderful way to care for yourself. Partnering with a therapist means enlisting the help of an experienced guide to help you get to where you want to go. However, the sheer number of therapists in your area often makes the choice more than a little overwhelming. So how can you determine which therapist is the right one for you?

I often meet with individuals in during free consultations who are looking for the right fit. Choosing a therapist is a highly personal decision that should be made with a great deal of thought and consideration.

So how might you determine who is a good fit for you?

How Much to Tell & When, Part 4: What to Do When Your Partner Asks about Your Sex Addiction

Posted on February 18, 2017

in Addiction, Authenticity, Partners of Addicts, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

This post is the fourth in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. Click here to read part 1, here for part 2, and here for part 3.

One of the most common questions I get from clients struggling with sex or porn addiction is how to respond to their partners when they’re hurting and asking for more details about their previous acting out. “What do I say when she comes at me like that?”

As we’ve seen, the answer isn’t so simple. In part 1, we discussed spontaneous disclosure and a little about how this traumatizes partners. In part 2, we saw how waiting to tell her about all acting out behaviors via formal disclosure can actually be healing to both partners in the long run. In part 3, though, we established that waiting until formal disclosure often sucks. Big time.

All of that was necessary to answer one of the most common questions in early recovery: How should you, a sex addict in recovery, respond to your partner when she asks for more information about your acting out?

How Much to Tell & When, Part 3: The Tension Before Formal Disclosure

Posted on February 11, 2017

in Partners of Addicts, Relationships, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

This post is the third in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. This post discusses the tension between the initial and partial discovery of sexually compulsive behaviors and formal, full disclosure of those behaviors. Click here to read part 1 on spontaneous disclosure, here to read part 2 about formal therapeutic disclosure, and here to read part 4 on what a sex addict should tell his or her partner when asked about acting out.

Sometimes Christians talk about living in “the already and not yet.” While it’s not a perfect analogy, it captures well what it’s like in between the initial discovery and the formal disclosure for sex addicts and their partners.

“The already and not yet” is a way of referring to the idea that the culmination of time and history began in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Christians believe that Jesus brought in the kingdom of God in his ministry such that it’s presently among us, but that it will only be realized in its fullness when Jesus returns in the future.

So God’s rule in the kingdom is already present and partially realized, and it is not yet fully manifest. Christians call this present age “the already and the not yet” for this reason.

It can be an excruciating era to live in, as sex addicts in recovery and their partners know well.

How Much to Tell & When, Part 2: Formal Disclosure

Posted on February 4, 2017

in Couples, Partners of Addicts, Relationships, Sex Addiction

by Jeremy Mast

This post is the second in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. This post discusses formal disclosure and its benefits. Click here to read part 1, here for part 3, and here for part 4.

“How much do I tell her?” In part 1 of this series, we considered spontaneous disclosure, which happens when the sex addict’s behaviors are either discovered, about to be discovered, or when there is partial disclosure of the addict’s acting out behaviors after the initial discovery.

Oftentimes, spontaneous disclosure occurs as a couple is preparing for formal disclosure. Although holding off for a few months on formal disclosure can give both sex addict and his partner time to prepare for the traumatic formal disclosure date, waiting can be excruciating, especially for the partner.

But what is formal disclosure? And as painful as it is, why is it worth waiting around for?