MARRIAGE PROBLEMS & DEALING WITH AN AFFAIR
Discovering that the person you love most in the world has been unfaithful to you is devastating. In an instant, your entire world crumbled; everything you thought was true in your relationship and your life was little more than an illusion. In the moment of discovery, you were probably flooded with thoughts:
In the wake of discovery, you’re feeling a flood of emotions too. If you’re the betrayed partner, you’re probably feeling shock, anger, rage, sadness, confusion, and desperately alone. The one person you might have talked with when you needed comfort is no longer trustworthy.
When the person you loved and trusted deceives you by engaging in sexual and emotional behaviors outside of the relationship, only one word can aptly summarize the depth of your emotional pain: trauma.
After finding out about the level of deception your partner has inflicted upon you, it’s completely understandable that you would feel symptoms associated with trauma, including:
Everyone reacts to trauma differently, and this is but a small number of the many reactions you may be experiencing. You’ve been hurt so deeply, and at this point you’re understandably trying to gain some control over what’s happening and feel safe again.
An affair is a violation of the expectations and standards of a relationship by becoming emotionally or physically involved with someone else. Not all affairs are the same, however. One-night stands, affairs, serial affairs, emotional affairs, and long-term affairs each bring their own set of unique problems and often require different support.
Understanding the story of your affair is the first step to healing. In a confidential, non-judgmental environment, I will listen carefully to your pain and help you understand and cope with the the overwhelming feelings that you’re likely feeling right now.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Being able to speak with someone knowledgable about infidelity and affairs about your experiences is important to your healing. Together, we’ll collaborate to establish boundaries and guidelines that will help you feel safe in your relationship again.
Whatever are, and however you’re reacting to the pain of your partner’s infidelity, I’m not here to tell you what to do. I’m here to support you in your decision about your relationship. In the meantime, my first priority is helping you understand what’s going on and how you’re feeling, to find ways that you can feel safe again, and to offer hope that healing is possible.
Whatever you eventually decide to do in your relationship, you deserve to have your pain understood and validated. I can walk with you step by step toward your healing. I will collaborate with you in building the life that you want. Hope is possible when we’re not alone.
Infidelity doesn’t need to end in divorce. Together, after restoring equilibrium and calm to your relationship, I will help you understand why the affair happened so that your relationship can heal and be made stronger.
Affairs occur for reasons that partners know and for reasons they don’t. With the right help, affairs can call attention to problems that have silently poisoned the relationship for years outside of the awareness of both partners.
Understanding why the affair happened and what made your relationship vulnerable to infidelity is challenging but crucial to rebuilding your relationship. It’s said that two pieces of steel reforged into one are stronger than steel that has never been broken. If you’re ready to work, I believe the same can be true for couples impacted by affairs.
For couples in the throes of the discovery of an affair, starting counseling can be tough because you may feel embarrassed, humiliated, angry, and unsure of where to turn. Reaching out for help is nothing to be ashamed about and can lead to a lifetime of emotional health and renewed intimacy, and I applaud your courage in seeking the support you need. Change isn’t easy, but it is possible.
If you’re ready to begin, please call me at (805) 256-3497 or email me at email@example.com to schedule your initial session or a free 15-minute consultation. It would be my privilege to meet with you and for us to discuss how I can help you.
I am a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), which means that I have received specific training to help couples recover from intimate betrayal and discover healing and lasting change. While sex addiction and infidelity are often quite different clinically, they can overlap. Thus, my training is immediately applicable to couples affected by affairs and helps me support them right away.
I have also trained at the Institute for Contemporary Psychoanalysis in trauma, addiction, couple and family relationships, shame and other areas critical to long-term healing and change. After you have regained a sense of stability and control in your life, understanding unconscious patterns of being in relationship and managing your feelings are paramount; you will learn to relate to and manage your feelings differently so that you can find healing that lasts.
The time to get help is now. Take back your life by reaching out to me today. No matter what your circumstances may be, no matter how desperate your situation, change is possible. You deserve to heal!
Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT provides couples therapy for marital affairs and overcoming infidelity in Ventura, CA. He also serves Santa Barbara, Camarillo, Oxnard, and the surrounding areas.