conflict Archives - Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT

5 Reasons to Do Premarital Counseling

Posted on March 12, 2015

in Counseling, Couples, Marriage, Relationships

Wedding season is right around the corner, and many couples are busy getting ready for one of the most joyous days of their lives. All too often, however, in the hustle and bustle of preparing for their wedding, a couple may spend too little time preparing for their marriage. Premarital counseling—whether meeting individually with a therapist or participating in a premarital workshop—can help the couple strengthen their relationship to ready for a lifetime of love and commitment. If you’re getting married (or know someone who is), why consider premarital counseling?

Why the Holidays Can Drive You Crazy (& What to Do about It): Part 1

Posted on December 22, 2014

in Authenticity, Couples, Family, Healing, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

For many, the holidays truly are the most wonderful time of the year—a time of gathering with family, being close with loved ones, revisiting old memories, and making new ones. The title of this post and my post last year notwithstanding, I love the holidays, as I have many fond memories of being with my family around our Christmas tree as a boy. Being with family and friends is still deeply meaningful to me and to most of us.

However, starting a few weeks before Thanksgiving and throughout December, I frequently hear of anxiety, frustration, and even dread this time of year, because just as it’s a time of gathering with family and being close with loved ones, it’s also a time of gathering with family and being close with loved ones. Visiting family can be wonderful indeed, but if we’re honest, the holidays can you drive you crazy. Why is this, and what can you do to make your family time merry and bright?

Protective Patterns in Couple Relationships, Part 2: That Old, Familiar Tune in Your Marriage

Posted on July 17, 2013

in Couples, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

Last week, we saw that as when two partners begin a new couple relationship, their deepest needs for love, understanding, and recognition fulfilled come to the fore. This period of “young love” is called the honeymoon phase, and during this time the couple can’t seem to get enough of each other. Notably, there is little to no conflict during this phase. Alas, a phase is, by definition, temporary. When the arguments finally come, each partner will use the defenses they learned in childhood to protect themselves and minimize their own pain.

Protective Patterns in Couple Relationships, Part 1: The Defensive Self

Posted on July 9, 2013

in Couples, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

If you’re married or in a long-term, committed couple relationship, your relationship probably began like many others. You couldn’t wait to see each other and share your experiences. As you exchanged your hopes and disappointments, your partner was just as excited or sad about them as you were. He or she seemed to understand you perfectly. Your stomach fluttered as you imbibed the intoxicating elixir of love. But then . . . something shifted, didn’t it? Over time, a different pattern of relating set in, one marked by conflict, avoidance, or both. It’s not what you or your partner want, so how did it happen?

Choosing to Be Right or Married

Posted on April 6, 2013

in Counseling, Couples, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

Let me tell you an entirely fictional story about an entirely made-up married couple, Dorothy and Jonah. The couple is embroiled in an argument about a contentious event that happened earlier in the day, and while the details are a little murky, there can be no doubt that the conflict is steadily escalating.

6 Things You Can Do to Argue Constructively with Your Partner

Posted on January 22, 2013

in Couples, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

Every couple fights, but fewer couples know how to fight well, that is, to argue in ways that prevent conflicts from causing collateral emotional damage or escalating into vehement brouhahas. Arguing with your partner in ways that actually cultivate intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional safety is difficult for reasons I have recently considered with you.

How Couples Hurt Each Other

Posted on January 14, 2013

in Couples, Family, Marriage, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

If you are in a long-term, committed relationship, you know that conflict and emotional pain are unavoidable. All couples fight. Healthy couples are able to repair painful rifts when they occur in ways that cultivate intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional safety, and next week I will write about how couples might do this. Today, however, we must consider how couples hurt each other now that we know what causes emotional pain.

Why We Hurt

Posted on January 7, 2013

in Couples, Healing, Relationships

by Jeremy Mast

Conflict is inevitable in all of our relationships, and romantic relationships are no exception. Partners in intimate, long-term relationships will surely step on each other’s toes, thereby causing each other emotional pain. Couples need to able to repair painful rifts when they happen in ways that cultivate intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional safety. How might couples do this?