How Much to Tell & When, Part 2: Formal Disclosure

This post is the second in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. This post discusses formal disclosure and its benefits. Click here to read part 1, here for part 3, and here for part 4.

 

“How much do I tell her?” In part 1 of this series, we considered spontaneous disclosure, which happens when the sex addict’s behaviors are either discovered, about to be discovered, or when there is partial disclosure of the addict’s acting out behaviors after the initial discovery.

 

Oftentimes, spontaneous disclosure occurs as a couple is preparing for formal disclosure. Although holding off for a few months on formal disclosure can give both sex addict and his partner time to prepare for the traumatic formal disclosure date, waiting can be excruciating, especially for the partner.

 

But what is formal disclosure? And as painful as it is, why is it worth waiting around for?

Creating Magic in Your Relationship, Part 3: The Magic of Surprise

We began considering how to create more magic in intimate relationships by looking at the rhythm that’s created in relationships when two partners are managing their feelings together. Next, we talked about what happens when that rhythm gets disrupted and how to repair these unavoidable disruptions. Today, I invite you to think about with me how surprise can pave a path toward greater intimacy with your partner. What do I mean when I say “surprise,” though? Before we go there, we need to talk about what every relationship needs—romance.

Creating Magic in Your Relationship, Part 2: Repairing Disruptions in the Rhythm

Last time, with a little help from Coldplay, we explored the “magic” that can occur between partners in a committed relationship when they feel close and intimately connected with one another. When both partners really “get” each other, even though the couple may be having a difficult conversation, each one feels known, valued, recognized, and understood. When they’re in their rhythm, each partner feels completely safe, so much so that together they can co-manage even the most difficult feelings that inevitably come up in a long-term relationship.

Creating Magic in Your Relationship, Part 1: Your Relationship’s Rhythm

At long last, Coldplay released their new single “Magic” earlier this month, and as a longtime fan, I’ve been listening to the soulful, intimate tune a lot in recent weeks. The song takes its name from the “magic” that the singer experiences when he’s with his beloved partner. Even if you’re not a Coldplay fan, chances are you’ve felt the magic that happens when you’re really connected to another person, when you feel known and understood, recognized and cherished. As much as we want this magic, though, it’s not as easy as pulling a rabbit out of a hat. So how does it happen?