How Much to Tell & When, Part 2: Formal Disclosure
This post is the second in a series of posts called How Much to Tell and When: Disclosure in Early Recovery. This post discusses formal disclosure and its benefits. Click here to read part 1, here for part 3, and here for part 4.
“How much do I tell her?” In part 1 of this series, we considered spontaneous disclosure, which happens when the sex addict’s behaviors are either discovered, about to be discovered, or when there is partial disclosure of the addict’s acting out behaviors after the initial discovery.
Oftentimes, spontaneous disclosure occurs as a couple is preparing for formal disclosure. Although holding off for a few months on formal disclosure can give both sex addict and his partner time to prepare for the traumatic formal disclosure date, waiting can be excruciating, especially for the partner.
But what is formal disclosure? And as painful as it is, why is it worth waiting around for?
You know what happens. Something you did has made your partner frustrated, disappointed, angry, or annoyed with you. So in an attempt to make things right, you apologize. But it backfires. Your partner gets even more upset. What’s going on here?