Why Having a Plan to Avoid Relapse is Important
Why Having a Plan to Avoid Relapse is Important
Do you remember doing fire drills while you were in school? Perhaps you enjoyed them because they provided time to get out of class and hang out with your friends. Or, maybe you had a hatred towards them because you had to stand on the hot asphalt while your teacher told you to stay in line and be quiet. Regardless of your opinion of these fire drills, the reality is they were necessary in the event of an actual emergency.
In the same way, it is important to have similar practices while in recovery from pornography or sexual addiction. In Facing the Shadow, a workbook written by Dr. Patrick Carnes to help those in recovery, exercise 6.6 outlines a “Fire Drill Planning” worksheet that helps you think through an immediate action plan in the event of a trigger or temptation (Carnes, 2015). Once a plan such as this is in place, you will know the exact steps to take to avoid a relapse.
Three Scenarios and Examples
Let’s take a look at three scenarios where having a plan to avoid relapse would be important.
- You find yourself at home alone for the night because your partner is out of the house. You have full access to the computer and can get to pornography if you desire. What do you do?
- You are at the beach and notice many others dressed in bathing suits and other minimal clothing, and find yourself lusting after them. What do you do?
- You are driving through an area of town where you have acted out sexually in the past (e.g. gone to a strip club or massage parlor in the area). What do you do?
If you have set up a plan for yourself in each of these circumstances, you may know exactly what you can do. Below are some examples of “Fire Drill Plans” based on the examples above.
- When you realize you have full access to your computer, you plan to call your friend or sponsor immediately to let them know of your situation.
- When you notice your eyes going to other’s bodies and find yourself lusting after them, you plan to lay down on your towel and put a hat over your face. While you do this, you practice breathing exercises to find some stability again.
- When you find yourself in the area where you used to act out sexually, you decide to make a U-turn or take a left or right turn to take a different route.
Practice
Now, something very important. These plans must be practiced outside of the actual “emergency” or trigger, because that is what will make them habitual. So, whenever you set these plans in place, make it your goal to practice them as much as you can. For example, call your friend or sponsor on a regular basis to discuss your recovery. When you are at home and not at the beach, see if you can practice covering your eyes and doing breathing exercises to get into the habit. Lastly, when you are driving around town, see if you can make a consistent effort to avoid that trouble area on a regular basis. This way, if you ever find yourself near an area that could be a trigger, it will become quite habitual to turn away and avoid it altogether.
Hopefully the above information can spark some ideas you can implement to aid your recovery. See if you can take the first step to create a plan to help you avoid relapse in areas of difficulty for you. While you may be able to think through this plan on your own, please know you never have to do recovery alone. If needed, a therapist at the Center for Integrative Change can help!
About the Author
Alex Primo is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Center for Integrative Change. With training in EMDR and additional training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, he finds great joy in helping men break out of the cycle of unwanted sexual behavior, and helping couples restore trust and intimacy. When he is not seeing clients, he enjoys playing board games with his family, learning magic tricks, and rooting for the Dodgers.
