Book Recommendations from a Therapist
There is so much content available to us these days. The struggle is not finding something to read or watch or listen to, but what is worth reading or watching or listening to. I have curated a list of my favorite books on a variety of topics that I believe would benefit everyone. And don’t worry if you aren’t a reader, most are available as audiobooks as well!
Marriage & Relationships
Us: Transforming Ourselves and the Relationships That Matter Most by Terrence Real
This just might be the best relationship book that I have ever read. I believe this book is relevant for anyone and everyone because it is a book that delves into the complexities of intimate relationships. Terry Real, a renowned therapist, explores the challenges couples face and provides insights into how to create healthier, more authentic connections. He emphasizes the importance of both partners taking responsibility for their actions, developing empathy, and fostering emotional intimacy. Through real-life examples and practical advice, Real guides readers on a journey to transform their relationships and themselves. I guarantee the reading (or listening) of this book will give you some sort of “ah ha” moment. This book is also practical because it offers tools for better communication, conflict resolution, and mutual growth, ultimately aiming to help couples build stronger and more fulfilling partnerships.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
As a couples therapist, I utilize the Gottman method every day. I love how accessible it is to both therapist and client, as the Gottman institute provides many free or low cost resources for everyone to use. This book characterizes the essence of the institute by being practical and backed by years of research. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a comprehensive guide to fostering a successful and lasting marriage. The “Key Principles” that Gottman identifies are summarized below:
1. Enhance Love Maps: Develop a deep understanding of each other's world by continuously updating your knowledge about your partner's thoughts, feelings, and life events.
2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Maintain a positive perspective on your partner by appreciating their qualities and expressing affection regularly.
3. Turn Toward Each Other: Cultivate responsiveness to your partner's emotional needs, big or small, fostering a strong connection and a sense of being valued.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You: Embrace compromise and collaboration, recognizing that decisions and problem-solving should be mutual and considerate of both partners' perspectives.
5. Solve Solvable Conflicts: Develop effective communication and conflict resolution skills to address issues in a constructive manner, seeking compromise rather than "winning."
6. Overcome Gridlock: Address ongoing conflicts that may feel insurmountable by understanding the underlying issues and finding common ground.
7. Create Shared Meaning: Cultivate shared rituals, values, and goals that give your relationship a sense of purpose and direction.
If any of these principles stand out as something that your relationship can grow in, I encourage you to pick up this book!
Sex
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
If you are a woman and you are having sex, you should read this book! If you are a man and would like to better understand women’s sexuality, you should read this book! "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski is a groundbreaking book that explores the science of women's sexuality and offers insights into understanding and embracing one's own unique sexual experiences. Drawing from research in neuroscience, psychology, and biology, Nagoski presents a holistic approach to sexuality, debunking myths and addressing common misconceptions.
I love this book because it continually normalizes women’s sexual experiences, while acknowledging aspects that may be hard to love about yourself. It also explains the reality of women’s sexuality, as it is very different from what we learn from the media, and often even our cultures and the medical model. There is also a companion workbook that accompanies this book if you want to work on putting what Emily shares into practice.
Overall, "Come As You Are" offers a compassionate and scientifically informed perspective on women's sexuality. It empowers readers to embrace their individuality, overcome challenges, and cultivate a positive and fulfilling sexual journey. The book combines research with relatable anecdotes and practical advice to create a comprehensive guide to understanding and nurturing women's sexual well-being.
Trauma
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
This book is a modern day classic in the psychotherapy field. It is a transformative book that explores the profound impact of trauma on the human body and mind. Drawing from decades of clinical experience and research, van der Kolk explains how trauma can shape individuals' lives, affecting their emotions, behaviors, and physical well-being. Many stories that van der Kolk shares are emotional and even gut-wrenching. However, he shares his experiences to show the readers how the mind and the body are interwoven, and how healing is also two-fold.
Men’s Depression
I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real
This book is about men’s depression, but it is not just for men. If you are in a relationship with a man, have a son, or even just know a man, this book can provide mind blowing insights with what is going on in their brain (or at least that was my experience). Real delves into the societal pressures that often discourage men from expressing their emotions and seeking help. Through personal stories and clinical insights, he uncovers the hidden struggles of male depression, which can manifest as anger, isolation, and self-destructive behaviors. The book provides a compassionate and insightful perspective, encouraging men to break free from traditional masculinity norms and fostering a path towards healing, connection, and emotional well-being.
Building Healthy Habits
Atomic Habits by James Clear
This book has led to the most change in my own personal life than any other book I’ve read this year. Atomic Habits by James Clear is a practical guide to creating positive and lasting changes in your life through the power of small habits. Drawing from scientific research and personal experiences, Clear introduces the concept of "atomic habits" — tiny, consistent actions that compound over time to lead to remarkable transformations. He presents a four-step framework for building and maintaining habits: Cue, Craving, Response, and Reward. Clear also addresses the importance of the environment and provides strategies to make good habits more attractive and bad habits less tempting. The book emphasizes the role of mindset, identity, and deliberate practice in the process of habit formation. By understanding the science behind habits and implementing Clear's actionable advice, readers can effectively shape their behavior and achieve meaningful progress in various aspects of their lives.
As I shared at the beginning of this blog post, there are so many resources available to us, it can be overwhelming. It can be especially overwhelming to try and figure everything out on your own. If you feel like you would benefit from a therapist to help you regain your own sense of self, please reach out to our care specialist today!
About The Author
Jorden Groenink, MS, AMFT, APCC an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT136162) and an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC12906), supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). She has been trained in Experiential Therapy and loves working with couples and individuals who want to experience a more fulfilling life. Jorden wholeheartedly believes that every person is worthy of love and relationship. When not working with clients or listening to audiobooks, Jorden enjoys spending time with her family (husband, dog, & cat) and doing DIY projects around her house.
